Christmas is hard

So many unpleasant thoughts seared into my brain around Xmas. Envy of other kids presents Envy of other adults presents Stress of getting a present Stress of liking a present Will it be enough to show/prove my love or worth? The xmas lights are nice to see while I'm walking. They bring me back to the house on Livingston CT, when things were still good I remember making a huge deal about my present with Jen. That was a huge overreaction. I know it came from a desire to control in adulthood, what I couldn't control as a child. At least I've learned lessons from all of this. Can't treat people like employees Can't expect them to read your mind Family isn't a bad thing I need human connection