New year, lotsa change

December went. I focused on doing my best, mentioned to my boss multiple times that I don't get paid enough to be treated this way. "It is demoralizing to be constantly set up to fail. I get arbitrary dates that are impossible, and nobody listens to the words coming out of my mouth." But, I was able to say it matter of factly, quite easily, without needing to hold back the flood of emotion that normally comes out when I let myself be vulnerable.

So we'll see. I have plans that are in motion. I'm making progress. Celebrate the wins!

Depression side: I'm still in a holding pattern, but with purpose. I'm resting, so when it's time, I can release my Neo. I feel like being depressed as a child and adult has prepared me for Covid19. I was forced to make myself small when I was a child, because my Mom couldn't handle everything very well. I didn't have an issue instantly making my life small, masking up when everyone thought I was crazy, not going out at all, keeping steady at work, keeping fit.

I was forced to learn how to make myself small, and my depression was all that energy I kept inside, trying to get out, trying to tell me I don't have to be small anymore. Funny that it manifested in fatigue for so, so many years. Those days are finally over.

Oh, and Pfizer killed the Greenstone deal, so my cheap Sertraline (zoloft) is gone. I had already decided to go down to 150mg/day, so I cut up the rest of my pills into 50mg. We'll see how this goes. I'm doing daily journaling. I'll have to pay 350/month if I have to go back on them.

Decided to ditch Mindbloom and go back to nasal spray. Mindbloom's dashboard has been broken for weeks, so I can't access my stuff. Sent in an application via careers page, and also through support, mentioning that I have over 20 years of experience in IT.

I'm nervous that the nasal spray doc will say no. I wish there was another doc to go to... And he said no. Great. Thanks. I guess it's Mindbloom or bust.

And now for the woo woo stuff. Farsight's human news is projecting a shit storm of violence and conflict for the month of January. ET activity is on the rise. I put two new stickers on my truck: "I do not consent to ET secrecy" and "Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.

I support the Galactic Federation of Worlds, and reject any previous agreements between Humans of Earth and any ETs.