Christmas is hard

So many unpleasant thoughts seared into my brain around Xmas.

Envy of other kids presents

Envy of other adults presents

Stress of getting a present

Stress of liking a present

Will it be enough to show/prove my love or worth?

The xmas lights are nice to see while I'm walking. They bring me back to the house on Livingston CT, when things were still good

I remember making a huge deal about my present with Jen. That was a huge overreaction.

I know it came from a desire to control in adulthood, what I couldn't control as a child.

At least I've learned lessons from all of this.

Can't treat people like employees

Can't expect them to read your mind

Family isn't a bad thing

I need human connection