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Turbulence
The more I learn about my mental *illness*, the more I truly believe that the greatest of us all struggle with mental illness, because...
Sep 19, 2021
Repatterning
Well, that was an unpleasant few weeks recovering from that spinout. I must remember that this is just a job, and I am more than my job....
Sep 8, 2021
Spinning out
My tech is working, but I still feel like a failure. I've tried at every step of the project to set expectations, but they don't listen....
Aug 10, 2021
Shitshow
Recovered from Denver, just to get into a meeting with my Boss and the COO, where they proceeded to interrogate and try to trip me up...
Aug 5, 2021
It's been a hard minute
Been a month since my last entry. Lotsa happenings. My ex finally left her abusive bf. I'm trying very hard to put my stuff on hold while...
Jul 26, 2021
Hodor's destiny as a code analogy
This is the email I just wrote to my awesome QA person, full of details on the bug she's going to research for me. This mother effer took...
Jun 24, 2021
Hope springs eternal
The hope that I'll get out of this damn city soon, temporarily, to use my new roof top tent! The hope that all the carbon capture...
Jun 23, 2021
I'm a frakking Wizard
No, I'm not cycling, and not on any drugs, lol: I'm a computer programmer in Business Intelligence (super complex reports)... I spend my...
Jun 14, 2021
Oh, it's on.
Like Donkey Kong. Fear is receding. Sexuality is roaring back. Drinking a bit more, but lotsa changes afoot in my love/sex life. My Data...
Jun 10, 2021
Mindbloom part deux
Holy shitballs. My clinician, nor my guide, nor myself, had much hope it'd work, even though they maxxed out my dose. Dammit, I spent the...
Jun 2, 2021
Fear is the mind-killer
I defeated it a little yesterday. Baby steps, right?! Took Romeo for some park time, but it was nearly 100 degrees, so decided to drive...
May 28, 2021
Mindbloom addon
The night after Mindbloom, I felt like I was in a good headspace for healing after the drug letdown. So I went ahead and did some nasal...
May 25, 2021
Mindbloom
Did Mindbloom yesterday. Was a let down due to the dosage, but they warned me, and I knew the first session is to get some sort of...
May 25, 2021
"Beautiful Mind" ramblings.
I was reflecting the other day about how I'd describe how I do code in my head. When I'm in work mode, I'm all database, all the time, so...
May 21, 2021
Spending some money
I'm still shuddering when I see my friends on social media celebrating with friends, maskless. All close and up in each others' bubbles,...
Apr 4, 2021
So very Thankful for drugs
3/24/2021 Ketamine treatment for me is like walking through a car wash, only it cleans your brains out... Think a drive through pressure...
Mar 24, 2021
Good stuff
3/12/2021 Took the day off today, getting my month cadence IV infusion today. MindBloom is available in AZ! Woooo! They do at home Online...
Mar 12, 2021
Circulation
Yeup. Turns out, my awesome nasal ketamine sitting position wasn't so awesome. It was great for dosing without coming too far out of it,...
Mar 9, 2021
Kickin ass yet reflecting on names
Read me? Hit the heart icon. Still doubtful any real humans read me. It dawned on me the other day, out of the blue, that maybe my feet...
Feb 27, 2021
Feel like a million bucks after IV
Went in for an IV Ketamine treatment on Monday at KWC. Last two didn't quite get me there, due to my high tolerance, but Monday's got me...
Feb 18, 2021
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